First of all ladies, the floor is an acceptable clothing storage location.
Never, never ask me to puchase feminine products. You can assume that I will come
home with the wrong thingy-majiggers.
When watching TV please follow these rules of ettiquet: hugging is O.K. because I can
still see the screen. Kissing is acceptable only during timeouts and commercials. Questions
should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance that I'll be listening and
of getting a true response.
When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that
they are over and to change it back. I'm a proffesional. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when I
am channel surfing do not ask me to go back, I can assure you there was a good reason why I skipped it.
If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing. However, bear in mind, that I believe carrying
it from the bedroom to the washer is half the chore and after that I am free to return to the couch.
If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his
wife or girlfriend to discuss it. This is a big no-no.
If you don't like the way I am driving feel free to close your eyes. And please refrain from making that
reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault.
I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.
Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than 10 minutes
no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.
Don't ask me if I prefer one of your outfits over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this
a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.
Don't bother ever asking me if you look fat in something you're wearing. I won't fall for that. The answer will always be NO!
If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair.
I will cook anything you want, as long as it is on a BBQ.
And honey, yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium noise to me. I'm not ignoring you on purpose.
