BUMPER SNICKERS #1...

  • Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

  • I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

  • "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

  • Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

  • Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

  • I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

  • He who laughs last thinks slowest!

  • Keep honking, I'm reloading.

  • There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

  • Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

  • Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

  • Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

  • I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

  • Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

  • It's as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you!

  • I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to!

  • Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

  • Few women admit their age... Few men act theirs.

  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

  • You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

  • I need someone really bad... are you really bad?

  • I don't care, I don't have to.

  • IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

  • Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

  • Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

  • Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

  • According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.