On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?" To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"
A city feller who had just bought this farm was out plowing his field when his his tractor got stuck in the wet ground. A farmer driving by stops his truck and walks to the fence and calls over the city feller "You need a mule to plow such wet ground" he says. The city feller asks "Do you know where I can buy one?" The farmer replies "Well I just happened to have one you can have for 100 dollars", he says. City feller says "I'll take him", and he counts out the money. "Now I cain't bring him over today, is tomorrow OK?" City feller says "Sure."
The next day the truck pulls up and the old farmer gets out and he says "I'm really sorry but I've got bad news... I went out after breakfeast and the mule was dead. the city feller said "Well, just give me my money back then". "Cain't, I spent it already! "Well.... bring me the dead mule anyways", says the city feller". "Now,what ya gonna do with him?" City feller says "I'll raffle him off!" "Naw ya cain't raffle off a dead mule!" City feller replies "just watch me... us city fellers know a few tricks".
1 month goes by and the city feller and Farmer run into each other at the barber shop. Farmer asks "what did ya do with that dead mule?" City feller replies "I raffled him off like I said I would and sold 100 tickets at two dollars each. I made 98 dollars profit. "Geez, Didn't anyone complain?" the farmer asked. "Just one guy so I gave him his two dollars back!"
A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled. The farmer said, "That's once." A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer said, "That's twice." After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again. The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse. His brand new bride raised all kind of heck with him, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do." The farmer said, "That's once."
